I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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