Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
