She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
