Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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