She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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