Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
