I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
