1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
