So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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