You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
