I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
