I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
whose parrot is this?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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