i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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