Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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