Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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