she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
