This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
