2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
