she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I would fuck him just for his dog
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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