I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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