Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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