Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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