she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
