Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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