Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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