I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
