Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
