I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize