Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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