New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize