i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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