dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
