Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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