Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
