She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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