Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
