Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i drank out of a bidet.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
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