I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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