So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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