if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i came on her dog
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
