I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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