i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
