Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
