I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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