What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
