i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
