You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
