i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
