In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
