Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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