4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
