He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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