his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
