hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
