I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
