So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
