Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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