They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize