Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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