nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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