we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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