other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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