i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
