Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
