She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
