oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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